WOT Adv 294 - Vaid Departs

Vaid stared for a moment, admiring her in the firelight. It wasn't often he was able to look at her, without anyone watching, able to really take her in. 

What if it had been her? Would he have done anything differently? Acted in anger, perhaps? He had killed those men to rescue the girls, of course. Or had it been for the joy of using Saidin? His own inner slime. How long did he really have?

With a sigh, he walked over and sat next to Eliesanna. For a moment he looked at her, into her eyes. Then he looked into the fire. "I..." he paused, trying to say what he felt, "I'm happy you're safe, miss." 

He cursed himself, silently, cursed the fate that would make him unable to live -- to love -- like others could. He eyes became moist, and glistened in the firelight as he wiped them angrily with the back of his hand. He had to go. No matter how much he wanted to have a normal life, he was fated to die, to burn, and to burn those he loved. But how could he tell her?

Eliesanna looked up at him and gave him a quiet, wan smile. "Thank you, Master Vaid. I'm glad you came back safely too."

She looked back at the fire, grabbed the poker and stirred the coals, sending sparks popping. "I'm not sure what's come over me tonight. I guess I'm just not myself. Maybe it's this town. Everyone on edge. Everyone afraid. People disappearing out of the dark. Maybe it was those bodies in the street."

She sighed and was silent for a long time, only the wind howled outside.

"It was like that when the Seanchan invaders took over Falme. They had everyone on edge, making everyone swear their stupid oaths, filling up prison ships with anyone who refused or took action against them. Light, but it seems so long ago, when--" her voice broke. "--when Maeslyn and Fiznak appeared and the inn caught fire and... and...my mother and sister perished. Seeing that explosion in the streets reminded me of that and brought back some memories I had tucked away."

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Then she spoke quietly, related in detail her thoughts, her memories of meeting the party; of the sudden fire; of her trying to get her mother and sister out; of Fiznak and Maeslyn and Maer and their goodness in rescuing her, in allowing her to come with them; of their desperate struggle to escape Falme.

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Finally her tale wound down. "If you must know I had a crush on Lord Fiznak," she said shyly. "I'm still immensely fond of him, but in a different way now." she struggled a moment and gave a small laugh. "He is so kind and a good man. He even taught me how to use this," she touched the rapier at her side. "I'm woman enough to know that he has his eye drawn elsewhere. He and Maeslyn Sedai--well they're well suited for each other. I think he's going to be her warder." She said it with a touch of honest awe in her voice, and possibly some bit of romantic fantasy in the notion of him becoming a warder.

Vaid looked at her sidelong. Light but she was beautiful, with the firelight glowing off her skin, reflecting in her eyes. Young, surely, but still a woman.

"What about you, Master Vaid. You're a quiet one, but what's your story?"

Vaid was entranced by her story, and felt an unfamiliar pang of some intense emotion when she described her affection for Lord Fiznak. 

He found himself lost in his own thoughts as she finished and asked her question. It caught him completely off guard. 

"My story? " He hedged, "I..." 

How could he tell her? How could ever begin to explain what it was like to be condemned to die or go mad, even if he dared?

After an uncomfortably long pause, he continued. "I think it would be better to leave my past in the past." He shook his head and stared at the fire. "There are some things that are better left unsaid... Buried deep. " Burning... death... Those men he had killed. 

He turned to Eliesanna, "You are ... " he stopped, only reaching his hand out for a moment before pulling it back. "Eliesanna, " He spoke her name, perhaps the first time he called her that instead of 'miss', "I'm sorry. I must go. You deserve much in life. You'll have much. But men like me are best left alone, and you are safer without me."

"Go? But where?" She sat up straighter, then stood and locked eyes with him. "What do you mean, men like you? Men like you? That's just mule headed foolishness, Master Vaid," she looked him up and down and even put her hands on her hips, reminiscent of Keb. "Let me tell you about men like you, about people like you. Well, you're like Maeslyn Sedai..."

Vaid's heart skipped a beat at that, considering considering both of them could channel.

"...and like Lord Fiznak. They're not only good people, but the best you could hope to find." She nodded emphatically. "And you are too! You're one of them. One of us now! I saw what you did for Sabira. You were the first one out the door after her. Light! Even Lord Fiznak kept fussing with his armor until it was just right, but not you. You went right out there into the night against he Lady of the Shadows and the light knows what else, and stopped the kidnappers. And," her voice softened, "remember, back in Tanchico? you helped carry me to safety after those louts jumped us back in Tanchico.

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Vaid remembered all too well. Remembered meeting the party for the first time. Seeing Maeslyn, feeling a little jealous of Fiznak.

"Light!" Eliesanna continued. "Who could ever forget those dark hours we endured together in that dungeon? Blood and ashes, what's this talk of going? We've been through so much together?"

"Of course I remember. Light! Can't you see that as long as I'm near you, you're in danger? I'm not safe! I'm not safe..."

He trailed off. Of course she couldn't see. She wouldn't be able to see, unless.... There was only one way to make her understand. It was better that she knew, so she would understand when he was gone. 

He reached out towards Saidin, feeling more revulsion than ever as he embraced the river of filth. There was no joy in it now. 

Vaid wove strands of fire together, and felt the weight of everything in them as he created a simple flame, one that danced a few inches above his hand. 

He held it out silently, and did not attempt to hide the gleam of the tears streaming down his face. 

"Do you see now?"

"Oh Light!" Was all she said before she crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.

Vaid was surprised to see her fall, at first. He had just enough time to reach out and awkwardly catch her with his left hand, the right still burning softly in the dark room. 

"Light!" Vaid dismissed the weave and shifted his weight, lifting her carefully from the ground. He remembered the last time he had done so, and wished he could go back, wished he could change the past. He knew he could never undo what he had just done, unshow what he had shown. No matter, it was better she knew. 

He looked down at her face in the firelight, still now, where it had been afraid before. Quiet. Calm. If he had not been able to see the rise and fall of her breast he might have thought her dead. Like those in the street. Like those before. There was so much blood on his hands, blood for which he must atone. 

With a sigh, he moved slowly toward the stairs and her room.

Vaid carried Elisanna up the flight up stairs to the second story. They creaked as he moved under her weight and he held her close, fearful of dropping her of hurting her, yet at the same time enchanted still by her.

He stopped outside Maeslyn's door, and listened for a moment. But he could hear nothing. Perhaps they had all gone to bed by now.

He moved quietly down the hallway, to her room. The hallway mingled shadows with pools of intermittent light from small oil lamps. He crossed the threshold to her room and gently laid her on her bed, looking at her face bathed in a cascade blond hair. He reached out one hand as if to touch her face one last time, but he stopped short and withdrew his hand into a clenched fist. He shook his head heavily, and went to his room.

For a long moment, he looked in the small cracked mirror on a dresser studying the dark brooding face. Then with a low growl he turned the mirror on its face and quietly gathering up his belongings inside his bedroll and slipped on his cloak and made his way downstairs.

There were things he had to make right. He paused in the common room, but didn't turn about. Didn't look back. He stepped out into the night and shut the door solidly behind him and then disappeared down a side street.